Michelangelo the jerk, and the the discovery that may solve the mystery of his “annoying graffiti”

Like a lot of tales of history, this sounds completely made up. After all, Michelangelo as a graffiti artist isn’t exactly something that sounds reasonable. I mean, he’s the guy who sculpted the David and painted the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel — it’s hard to picture him scrawling “Mikey was here” on the inside of a bathroom stall.

Wait, did they have bathroom stalls back then? Probably not.

So did he actually carve a bit of graffiti? I’m sure you’re tempted to say no, but some new evidence points in the other direction…

Mean Michelangelo

Okay, it might be a bit of an exaggeration to call Michelangelo a jerk. I’m sure some would call him that, but I wouldn’t count myself among them.

But I think it’s fair to say he had a bit of a chip on his shoulder (haha) and wasn’t afraid to tell people what he thought of them.

When he was a kid, he had an argument with a hotheaded fellow apprentice named Torrigiano. The stories differ, but there may have been some jealousy on the part of Torrigiano. Giorgio Vasari, who knew Michelangelo and wrote a biography of him, said there was “jeering” involved. One can assume Michelangelo hit back with some biting remark, which resulted in Torrigiano bashing him in the face and breaking his nose; Michelangelo would bear the mark of that the rest of his life.

For Torrigiano’s part, he told the following to Cellini, another artist:

 “It was Buonarroti’s habit to banter all who were drawing there; and one day, among others, when he was annoying me, I got more angry than usual, and clenching my fist, gave him such a blow on the nose, that I felt bone and cartilage go down like biscuit beneath my knuckles; and this mark of mine he will carry with him to the grave.”

Michelangelo also had some noted feuds with other famous artists: he feuded with Leonardo da Vinci, he feuded with Raphael. And the architect Bramante. And the Pope.

When Pope Julius II wasn’t reimbursing Michelangelo for the marble blocks he’d purchased to sculpt the Pope’s tomb — and when the Pope had him turned away multiple times — Michelangelo basically told the Pope to go to hell.

Michelangelo sold all his stuff and left Rome, riding away from the Papal States and out of the Pope’s direct control. The Pope sent guys after him. The following is what Michelangelo told Condivi, his biographer. Obviously we have to take it with a grain of salt, but here’s what he said:

“I told them I’d kill the first one who laid a hand on me. You should have seen them look at each other. They knew I meant it. None of them was prepared to die — they hadn’t counted on a fight with a lion. They’d figured they would find a whining, penitent, artist-coward, begging for mercy. Well, they saw another side of Michelangelo Buonarroti.”

Probably a tall tale on his part, but it does give a hint of who the man was. Here’s another example:

When Michelangelo was painting the Last Judgment on the wall of the Sistine Chapel, a guy named Cesena, the Papal Master of Ceremonies, criticized all the nudity, saying it was better suited “for the public baths and taverns.”

Michelangelo decided to paint Cesena as Minos from Ancient Greece, complete with donkey ears and a snake biting his penis. And to this day, that’s what Cesena is known for. Go ahead, look him up. It’s basically the entirety of his Wikipedia entry.

So I wouldn’t call Michelangelo a jerk. But he was very proud, and didn’t hesitate to speak his mind if he felt he was being slighted. Is it arrogance if you know you’re awesome and can back it up?

Ye Olde Palace

The Palazzo Vecchio is probably the second most famous building in Florence, right behind the Cathedral of Santa Maria del Fiore. It was the seat of the government back then, when it was called the Palazzo della Signoria. “Palazzo Vecchio” literally means “old palace,” although it wasn’t all that old when it got renamed. Don’t ask me to explain the backstory. You don’t want to get me off track, do you?

Anyway, the building is the focal point of a lot of drama in the history of Florence. While the Cathedral was the heart of the religious side of the city, this was the center of the city’s civic side. It’s where they showed off how great they were.

It’s also a place where Michelangelo spent a lot of time. Remember, Florence wasn’t just his hometown — it was a city he was incredibly proud of. He made a point of letting people know he was from Florence.

Those who worked inside this building are the ones who commissioned the David, and the famous statue was placed right outside the front door. You can see a replica of it in the picture above. Michelangelo was also commissioned to paint a giant fresco inside, right across from one Leonardo was working on. Which is a whole story unto itself.

The point is, if Michelangelo was going to carve graffiti, it’d be here.

Tales Upon Tales of Michelangelo’s Graffiti

Facing the front door which is now graced by a copy of the David, if you look over to the right you’ll see a brick with the profile of a man carved into it. It’s right near the corner, adjacent to the Uffizi Gallery.

If you don’t know what you’re looking for, you wouldn’t even see it. It took me a bit to pick it out, and I actually knew where to look.

Now, there’s multiple stories surrounding this graffiti. Honestly, they all sound like a pile of crap laid by one of the horses you’ll see standing in front of the carriages waiting for tourists in front of the Palazzo Vecchio today.

Tour guides will often tell some variation of one of these, as the elderly gaggles from the cruise ships nod and smile while adjusting their earbuds and wonder when lunch is.

Tale One: The first story is that Michelangelo was at a bar, involved in an argument about who the best artist was. They wandered out into the street, where Michelangelo claimed he was the greatest. The crowd told him to prove it, and while the argument continued, he pulled out some tools and carved the face behind his back.

Tale Two: A similar story involves a dare, to see if someone could deface the building. Again, Michelangelo carves behind his back.

Tale Three: Another story claims that Michelangelo saw a man being taken out to be hanged in front of the building, and was so taken aback by his face that he chiseled it into the brick. A variant says that Michelangelo recognized the man as someone who owed him money, and immortalized him in stone as a further punishment.

It’s also been suggested that this is supposed to depict himself, because of the shape of the nose — Michelangelo famously had a crooked nose, thanks to that punch in the face.

Tale Four: The most well known story is that Michelangelo kept being bothered by a dull, monotonous man who’d drone on with worthless stories. We all know someone like that, right? The kind who ignore all social cues, and just go on and on with irrelevant information and you start to wonder where all this is going and no one is really all that interested, but the words just keep coming and…oh, sorry. Where was I?

So as the guy is talking, Michelangelo pulls out a knife and carves an image of the boring guy — again, behind his back. That’s why the “official” name of this is “Importuno di Michelangelo,” meaning “The Nuisance of Michelangelo.”

Ye Olde Sketch

So again, this all sounds like nonsense — just urban legends, passed down over the years to explain a random bit of graffiti. I don’t think any actual historians took it seriously. They’d stand there out in front of the Palazzo Vecchio in their suits with the large oval patches on the elbows, puffing on their pipes and shaking their heads in disdain as the tour groups ooh and ahh at the little man’s face.

Sure, all the stories seem to fit with who Michelangelo was — or the public perception of him, anyway. He’s the proud guy who wanted to be recognized as the best. He’s the guy who got in the last lick at the man who owed him money. He’s the person who stuck it to the annoying dude on the street. 

But a couple of years ago, a guy named Adriano Marinazzo, curator at the Muscarelle Museum of Art at the College of William and Mary in Virginia, was working on a book. He was studying some of Michelangelo’s drawings in the Louvre, and came across something that blew his mind. 

 There, sketched in the middle of a page filled with elaborate artwork, was a little head in profile that bears a striking resemblance to the graffiti. 

To add to the resemblance, there’s a few words written next to it:

 “Who would ever say that it was by my hand?”

I think it’s possible Michelangelo was given “permission” to carve the face by a guard. After all, he was quite famous, especially around Florence. It’s not out of the realm of possibility that a guard would’ve just looked the other way when Michelangelo showed up with a chisel on a warm summer’s night. I could easily see a situation where someone in the government angered him, and this was his little way of giving them the finger. 

It’s also possible that someone else carved the face, and the rumor mill around Florence started running. It would make sense that a Florentine might want to impress a visitor by pointing to the David, then pointing to the graffiti and telling a wild story. In which case, I could imagine Michelangelo hearing about it, thinking it was funny, and doodling a little sketch with some cryptic words. 

Like most historical mysteries, the question of whether or not Michelangelo actually carved this bit of graffiti is something that can never truly be answered — well, not without traveling back in time to see for ourselves. But the resemblance of the faces, and especially the words Michelangelo wrote, certainly are intriguing. To say the least.