The Cannibal Hymn: Beneath a collapsed Pyramid lies an ancient text, telling of how Pharaoh cooks and eats the gods

The Cannibal Hymn is part of the oldest complete religious text in the world. 

I know, I know. 

I’ve been on the Internet long enough. Since way back in the days of dial-up. So I know how this works: Someone bills an article with words like “OLDEST” and “CANNIBAL,” and you’re already picking up the phone to dial the Clickbait Police. 

Well, go ahead and call if you want. Per their rules of engagement, you’re the one who’ll be hauled off to Clickbait Prison if I end up coming through with the promises I made.

This really is the oldest complete religious text in the world, and there really is cannibalism involved. That’s why it’s called the Cannibal Hymn, and I didn’t invent that name. So go ahead and call. Then read through what I’m about to tell you, and see if you can make your case when the cops show up.

Pyramid Schemes

When you think of Ancient Egypt, you probably think of Pyramids. And when you think of Pyramids, you probably think of the Pyramids of Giza.

As most of us know, the Pyramids of Giza are empty inside. Unlike the elaborately decorated tombs from the Valley of the Kings, there’s no paintings and no hieroglyphs.

All you’re going to find is oppressive heat and Tammy from Nebraska, who gets tired halfway up the shaft and can’t keep going, causing a logjam while she loudly complains about the lack of an elevator and how dare they treat valuable tourists like this!

You should have listened, Tammy. People tried to tell you, but no, you knew better. Well, this is where all your facebook research got you.

Much has been said about the Pyramids of Giza, and for good reason. After all, they’re among the most recognizable structures on the planet. Shrouded in unwarranted mystery, they’re the topic of many YouTube videos with thumbnails featuring aliens with grayish skin and backgrounds of the all-seeing eye.

But did you know there’s 118 commonly known Pyramids in Egypt? And most aren’t at Giza. 

Many Pyramids are at Saqqara and the surrounding area, about an hour’s drive from Giza. Saqqara’s a far more sparsely attended attraction, littered with tour guides who try to talk you out of visiting certain areas you’d written down on a list, claiming “There’s nothing there,” presumably because they want to rush you through everything so they can go home.

Yes, I’m speaking from a slightly bitter point of view.

Saqqara is dominated by one of the earliest Pyramids, the Step Pyramid. It kicked off a string of Pyramid building, with a number of failed attempts to create one with smooth sides. Eventually the kings succeeded after moving their construction to Giza — a spot with hard bedrock to form a firm foundation.

But building giant Pyramids doesn’t just take a long time. It’s also really expensive. While I’m sure Mark Zuckerberg could put up a few, probably with some hidden surveillance equipment inside, eventually the shareholders are going to get a little miffed. No matter how big a Pyramid is, you can only fit so many ads on the sides.

So the pharaohs moved back to the Saqqara area to build their tombs.

Pyramid Piles

There’s quite a few Pyramids at Saqqara, and most of them look like piles of rubble. You’ll be driving along, notice what seems like a pile of dirt, and your tour guide will mumble something about it being a collapsed Pyramid while texting on his phone.

Such is the case of the Pyramid of Unas. It’s actually right next to the mostly-intact Step Pyramid, but it doesn’t really stand out at all.

At one time, it did. Like most Pyramids, it used to be covered in a casing of white limestone. Over time, these blocks were carted away and used for other building projects. That was certainly the case for the Pyramids of Giza, and the same holds true here.

The internal blocks of the Pyramid of Unas didn’t hold up too well. In addition to the Pyramid being much smaller than those at Giza, Unas’ crumbled like a dried out, generic store brand cookie. Tammy would surely complain about how poorly it stood up.

But luckily for us, what’s underground fared far better than what’s above: The Tomb of Unas.

Now, let’s set the stage a bit. In the scheme of things, Unas was a relatively minor king. His reign marked the end of what we call the Fifth Dynasty, when Ancient Egypt was in a bit of a decline. Was it possible that his predecessors had been a bit too spendy on their tombs? Anything’s possible.

I mean, it’s also possible that Unas spent his country’s wealth on roast beef sandwiches and curly fries. But not all possibilities are equal.

And while this was after the Pyramids of Giza, we’re still talking about a really long time ago. Like around 2300 BCE. Yes, we’re closer to the time of Cleopatra than she was to the time of Unas, to modify an old comparison.

The Resurrection Machine

I’ve always liked the term “Resurrection Machine” when it comes to describing the tombs of Ancient Egypt. While they changed over the millennia, the goal was always the same: To help the deceased be reborn in the afterlife.

I’m still hesitant to call it that, though. I don’t want this to end up being cited in one of those YouTube videos claiming Pyramids are hiding underground nuclear generators or ancient soft serve ice cream makers.

Actually, go ahead and cite it, YouTubers. It’s fine. Just include a “link in the description,” as you always say.

“Resurrection” is the goal of what we see in the Pyramid of Unas, written out in a king’s tomb for the very first time. Of course, they didn’t just spring forth out of nowhere. What it contains was almost certainly part of a long oral tradition.

There are no paintings or images on the walls of Unas’ tomb. It’s just raw hieroglyphs, covering nearly everything you see.

There’s three basic parts to it. One, writings designed to safeguard Unas’ body so isn’t disturbed until it’s time for his journey. Two, helping Unas make his way to the sky and westward. Three, ensuring that Unas would be accepted into the afterlife.

Together, these form the Pyramid Texts: The oldest complete set of religious writing in the world. Yes, I’m going to explain it, and explain the Cannibal Hymn. Don’t call the Clickbait Police quite yet.

Cyclical Rhythms

The oldest complete religious text in the world, huh? Well, there’s older writing out there. And older fragments of what we could call “religious text.”

And what’s here isn’t complete in itself. Virtually nothing in any royal tomb is “complete.” They all seem to contain bits and pieces, which we’re able to combine later.

In total, they make up 759 different “spells.” Obviously these aren’t spells in the same sense as Harry Potter turning people into pigs, or anything of the sort — they’re more like incantations.

Wait, did Harry Potter turn people into pigs? I think I might be confusing it with one of those low budget live action Disney movies.

Eventually, the Pyramid Texts would evolve into the Coffin Texts, which we see on coffins in the Middle Kingdom, then the Book of the Dead or the various funerary texts on the walls of tombs in the New Kingdom.

Here, we have them in their earliest and most raw form. Some are meant for priests to recite, others seem to be something along the lines of information Unas will need on his journey.

 Like a lot of religious texts, these involve a lot of repetition, and can seem almost impenetrably complex — but at the heart of the Ancient Egyptian religion was an emphasis on cycles.

No, not bicycles or motorcycles. Just the traditional definition of the term “cycles.” Sorry, YouTubers. And no, the Ancient Egyptians didn’t have helicopters either.

Every morning, the sun rises in the east. It journeys across the sky, then dies in the west. It travels through the underworld, then it’s reborn the next morning.

Every year, the Nile floods. This brings fertility to the soil — crops grow, feeding people.

And after death, the individual would navigate through perils, eventually uniting the various aspects of his soul and being reborn in the afterlife.

The cycle was everything. It was stability; it was order. And part of the pharaoh’s role was maintaining this cycle, fighting off the agents of chaos.

Unas is cool, Unas is awesome

So let’s take a look at some of the actual words themselves, which can be quite poetic at times.

Unas is like the gods. He’s really cool and powerful and does what the gods do on his journey:

“What lets every Horus glide through will also let Unas glide through,
over the fire glow, under that which assembles the gods.
They make a way for Unas that Unas may pass along it.
Unas is a Horus.”

Unas is a really good dude. He’s lived a good life, everyone thinks he’s awesome:

“There is no word against Unas on earth among men,
there is no crime of him in heaven among gods.
Unas has done away with the word against him,
Unas has annulled it in order to rise towards heaven.”

The gods are cool. Gods like Osiris and Thoth have got Unas’ back:

“Osiris, seize every one who hates Unas,
who speaks evil against his name!
Thoth, go, seize him for Osiris!
Bring the one who speaks evil against the name of Unas, place him in your hand!”

And, of course, there’s lots of chants where you say Unas’ name a lot, because you got to make sure everything goes well for him after he’s gone. In fact, in the picture right up above, you can see Unas’ name over and over — it’s the bits encircled by an oval called a “cartouche,” reserved for royals.

“Unas there! O Unas, see!
Unas there! O Unas, look!
Unas there! O Unas, hear!
Unas there! O Unas, be there!
Unas there! O Unas, arise on your side!”

The Cannibal Hymn: Chow Down Town

Know what Unas is? A god. Know what kind of god Unas is? The kind who eats other gods and gets more powerful by consuming their flesh.

Here’s the part of the text called the “Cannibal Hymn,” which is one of the creepiest and coolest names you’ll ever hear.

“The sky is clouded, the stars are darkened.
The Bows move, the bones of Aker tremble (earthquake), movements cease
after they have seen Unas appearing and powerful as a god who lives on his fathers, who feeds on his mothers!”

Some of the gods help him do this.

“Indeed, Khonsu (the Moon), who slaughters the lords, cuts their throats for Unas, and takes out for him what is in their bellies…

”Indeed, Shesmu (Wine-press god) cuts them up for Unas and cooks for him a meal out of them in his evening cook pots.
Unas is he who eats their magic, who swallows their spirits.

“Their great ones are for his morning meal,
their middle-sized ones for his evening meal,
their little ones for his night meal,
their old men and the old women are for his fuel.”

So. Throughout the Cannibal Hymn, Unas is eating everyone and everything. Some other random quotes: Unas lives “on the essence of every living god.” Unas “eats their entrails.” He “feeds on the lungs of the wise.” Unas is “pleased when their magic is in his belly.”

Is the Cannibal Hymn gross? Well, “gross” is subjective, but…yes. It’s gross. Does this mean Unas was literally a cannibal? Probably not.

The Food Pyramid

Obviously, there’s been quite a bit of debate over the years on what this all means. After all, a king ripping up and eating gods isn’t exactly something you hear every day.

Some have said the Cannibal Hymn may be a reflection of an old tradition of actual cannibalism in Ancient Egypt — though there’s no direct evidence of this. The concept of “eating a god” happens frequently enough that it has its own word: Theophagy.

There’s a line of thought that some of this has roots in actual cannibalism, where people would consume others out of a belief that they’d benefit from that person’s “power” by doing so.

And there is a modern parallel to this: Christian religions where people take communion, eating bread that’s literally considered to be the flesh of Jesus. Now, I’m not saying it’s the same thing. I’m just repeating what some people have said. Think of this paragraph like a retweet, on an account that says “The views expressed here may not be representative of my own.”

This doesn’t mean taking communion has its origins in actual cannibalism. Nor does it mean the Cannibal Hymn came from cannibalism either — it’s just a theory. After all, cannibalism isn’t really a widespread practice.

There’s another way of looking at the Cannibal Hymn: A big part of Unas’ job was ensuring the continuation of the cycle and holding off chaos. He had to make sure the Nile flooded and the crops grew. By eating the gods, he becomes more powerful and more capable of helping out the living.

Unas was trustworthy. He knew what people went through on earth. He’d be able to watch out for them afterwards. Would the “regular” gods help people out? Maybe. Hopefully. But who knows?

Zuckerberg acts like a normal human, but is he really? Does he truly understand the wants and needs of the average person, or does his AI just generate an approximation of that?

The wonderful “Egyptian History Podcast” describes the Cannibal Hymn as a bit of an insurance policy. Sure, the gods are probably helpful. They’re likely listening to us, doing what they can to make life easier, and they’re presumably going to assist Unas on his way to the afterlife.

But there’s a chance they won’t. If that happens…then Unas will just eat their lungs and get the job done anyway. Unlike Tammy, who’s probably still resting in a corridor of the Great Pyramid of Giza.