Severed Hands: How Ancient Egyptians counted their defeated enemies

When you need an easy way to keep track of how many enemies you’ve trounced, hard evidence is key. And you aren’t going to find better documentation than a basket full of severed hands.

Now, that’s not the only way the Ancient Egyptians counted the number of their dead adversaries. They were also known to cut off something else. Want to know what? Well, I’ll tell you at the end. I’ll even show you a picture of it. No skipping ahead, that’s cheating.

III, Not II

You’ve probably heard of Ramesses II, right? Big, amazing, legendary king of Ancient Egypt. Reigned for 66 years, had around 100 kids. Super famous.

This isn’t him.

This is Ramesses III, the first in a line of kings trying to capitalize on someone else’s name. Like if there was a new young pop star named “Lil’ Bieber.” Well, not exactly. But kind of.

Ramesses III was the last of the great kings of Ancient Egypt. Let’s just call him “III,” so I don’t have to keep typing it out. He ruled decades after II, and oversaw a serious decline when it came to the power and influence of Ancient Egypt.

But it wasn’t his fault. In fact, he helped slow the progression of that decline. Change seemed inevitable, but he fought to hold it back. Eventually, one of his wives led a conspiracy that ended with his toe being chopped off and his throat being slit. But that’s another story…

III was king in a time of turmoil: the infamous Bronze Age Collapse, as civilizations throughout the area started coughing and sputtering and freaking out. There’s a lot of theories as to why, but as far as we’re concerned, this involved a whole lot of invasions of Ancient Egypt.

The Libyans attacked more than once, and of course there was the assault by the somewhat mysterious “Sea Peoples” from the Mediterranean. In one of the wildest stories ever, III lined the shores of the Nile Delta with archers, pelting the enemy ships with arrows. When they tried to land on the shore, they were blocked by stakes placed in the water. The Egyptian navy swooped in, grabbed their ships with grappling hooks, jumped on board and trounced them in hand to hand combat.

Big victory. Awesome victory. The kind of victory people talk about three thousand years later. But all this fighting depleted the treasury. Eventually III saw the first recorded labor strike in history, as his people got fed up with not being fed.

History acknowledges what III did, even though it was the start of a long decline. It still took about a thousand years before Egypt was eventually defeated by Rome.

Look How Awesome I Am

Across from the modern city of Luxor sits the Mortuary Temple of Ramesses III, often referred to as Medinet Habu. You could throw a rock from here and hit the Valley of the Kings. You’d have to be really strong, though.

The entire site has been extensively studied by the University of Chicago. I mean, really extensively studied. You can go look at a giant PDF of detailed drawings from 1934. I’m not saying you should, but you can. It’s a little overwhelming.

It’s not heavily visited, but it’s a gem. There’s a section in the back where the paint still sticks to the walls and columns, and it’s well worth visiting. The part I’m talking about is the main picture for this page. I picked it because it makes the page look more appealing. Don’t accuse me of clickbait, you’re too deep into the article now. There’s no turning back.

The part we’re talking about at the moment isn’t the paint-laden section near the back, it’s up near the front — the part that says “I’m badass.”

This was common for any king, and for anyone with money. Even the tombs built by nobles were covered in writing, bragging about their accomplishments. Now, those tended to focus more on “The king really liked me” or “Look at my grapes” and not necessarily carvings of severed hands, but it was the same idea.

In addition to the typical images you’ll find at Medinet Habu of the king grabbing prisoners by the head before bashing their skulls with a mace, you’ll find detailed descriptions of III’s battles with the Libyans.

Nowadays, most know the Libyans for ruthlessly gunning down a scientist in a parking lot after he sold them a bomb casing full of pinball machine parts. As for ancient Libyans, we don’t know much. We know they were periodically in conflict with the Ancient Egyptians, and we have an idea of what they looked like, based on how other cultures depicted them.

The Libyans attacked Egypt: twice. Possibly because of the Bronze Age Collapse and battles for resources. After all, the Egyptians were pretty well off, with their river and their soil and all.

At any rate, III whipped their asses. That’s what he claims on his temple, anyway:

“…robbers, ruining Egypt daily, but were made prostrate under my feet. Their root is cut off…Their feet have ceased to tread Egypt forever.”

Egyptian temples dedicated to kings are teeming with dramatic descriptions of how their enemies were humiliated and consumed by their power. It’s elegant and beautiful, in a bloodthirsty kind of way.

Severed Hands, Severed…you know

So: severed hands. That’s why you came here, right? Well, and the other thing. You didn’t skip ahead, did you?

There’s a long tradition of Ancient Egyptians chopping off the hands of their dead enemies. Not just to present them to the king as evidence of victory, but for individual soldiers to win acclaim.

Hundreds of years before III, there was a highly decorated soldier named Ahmose. Remember how I said people bragged in their tombs? This dude left an entire autobiography in his.

“His majesty made a great slaughter among them, and I brought spoil from there: two living men and three hands. Then I was rewarded with gold once again, and two female slaves were given to me.”

Ahmose is talking about campaigns against the Nubians, down south. He’s saying he killed some dudes, brought their hands to the king, and got some prizes for his hard work.

In the case of one of the pictures above, scribes count the hands of dead Libyans. Nearby, III is watching, and delivering some more of that savage Egyptian eloquence:

“I went forth against them like a lion. I threshed them, made into sheaves. I was after them like a divine falcon when he has sighted small birds in a hole…I have cast down their souls, I have taken away their strength, my heat has burned up their villages.”

There’s much more, but you get the idea.

Many of the hieroglyphs in the photos up above are numbers: you can see the upside down “U” shape a lot, which is the number ten.

“Total, hands: 12,535”

Obviously there’s a lot of debate over whether or not this is an exaggeration. But the message is clear: Ramesses III is a total badass. He’ll utterly destroy you, then he’ll have your severed hands counted to see how many of you he destroyed. That’s how awesome he is. He’s awesome, his temple is awesome, Egypt is awesome.

And that brings us to the end. Hope you enjoyed this…oh, right. I almost forgot this other bit:

“Total, phalluses: 12,535”

Yeah. They didn’t just cut off their hands, they cut off their…umm…phalluses. I’m not sure what the least offensive terminology is, so we’ll just go with that one. They brought back piles of thousands of…phalluses…and presented them to Ramesses III.

I just learned I could’ve also used the alternate plural “phalli,” but that sounds a bit pretentious, doesn’t it?

Now, it’s important to note that some say the severing of body parts was also done to rob the enemies of power in the afterlife. Remember, the Ancient Egyptians mummified bodies because you’d still use them after death. In theory, you’d have Libyans wandering around missing their phalluses and right hands. Which would be a huge bummer.