We’re heading back to the year 79 CE, in and around the city of Pompeii. When it’s time to go, it’s time to go. We’re not here to have fun. If you aren’t back in the DeLorean in time, you’re getting left behind.

We can watch Vesuvius start to erupt, but that’s it. You can’t expect me to wait around for you.

So make sure you read all of this carefully. We’re going to depend heavily on the timeline of that day, so we know what’s going to happen ahead of time.

Like Pompeii, But Not

Ever heard of Herculaneum? It’s not even close to being as famous as the nearby Pompeii. This largely has to do with the depth of the ash and mud that buried Herculaneum. It’s a lot easier to dig through 20-30 feet than double or triple that.

There’s also a whole thing where Pompeii was publicized more, but I’m trying to avoid going off on tangents. No promises.

Due to the way the wind was blowing on the day Mount Vesuvius erupted, Herculaneum was initially spared. Only a few inches of ash fell, leading many to believe during the early excavations that most everyone escaped.

Unlike Pompeii, Herculaneum was blasted very quickly — which means it’s far more preserved. Buildings collapsed before they were buried in Pompeii, but in Herculaneum you’ll see second stories, structures to hold wine in restaurants, and plenty of furniture. Of course virtually none of this is actually in the town, they have it kept in storage. Which is a whole other issue unto itself.

Herculaneum was smaller than Pompeii, only about 5,000 people instead of 20,000. It was also more wealthy. Which is really saying something, since Pompeii was known as a vacation spot for Rome’s elite.

I think the craziest thing about Herculaneum is that it’s only about 20 percent excavated. Modern apartment blocks surround the ruins, which are so far down it looks like they’re in a huge pit.

The Dual Plinies

So there’s two dudes named Pliny: Pliny the Elder, and Pliny the Younger. They were uncle and nephew. Let’s just call them “Elder” and “Younger” so we don’t get confused. Also, I won’t have to keep typing it out every time. Cut me some slack. Do you want me to get carpal tunnel syndrome?

Elder was a friend of the Emperor Vespasian. He’s best known for being a prolific writer; he wrote what’s often considered to be the first encyclopedia, as well as other works like a history of the wars in modern Germany, which doesn’t survive.

Elder knew a lot about war, having served in the army. It became his career, especially after Vespasian took over following the death of the infamous Nero. But he never stopped with his studies or his writing — Younger said his uncle would often fall asleep reading, then wake and pick up where he left off. If this story gets too long, feel free to take a nap and come back to it later.

Elder advanced through the ranks pretty quickly under Vespasian. Eventually he was put in charge of the Roman Navy in a town called Misenum. Just to give you a picture of the guy, he was fat (by ancient standards, anyway) and it’s also likely he had asthma. I know, he doesn’t look fat in the painting. Frankly, I haven’t found any images of him being fat. Trust me, I looked. Please email me your pictures of Fat Pliny the Elder.

When Vesuvius erupted, Elder wanted to go check it out. Remember, Elder was all about learning. And believe it or not, no one really knew Vesuvius was a volcano at the time.

I mean, maybe you do believe that. It’s not like it’s hard to believe.

Mini Pliny

Younger and Elder were tight. They were together when Vesuvius erupted. Like his uncle, Younger was a prolific writer, and two letters he wrote to the historian Tacitus are the primary source for what happened in the course of those days.

“About one in the afternoon, my mother pointed out a cloud with an odd size and appearance that had just formed…The cloud could best be described as more like an umbrella pine than any other tree, because it rose high up in a kind of trunk and then divided into branches.”

If you look up an umbrella pine, it seems Younger is describing a mushroom cloud.

He goes on to say that Elder was going to go investigate in a boat, and asked his nephew if he wanted to come along. Younger declined, saying he had to study.

Which is a bit odd to me. Granted, Younger is the one who’s telling this story, so maybe he was just trying to make himself look good. Maybe he was a big chicken and didn’t want to go. Can’t say I’d blame him.

Elder soon got a message from a friend of his, a woman named Rectina who’d been stranded in a town called Stabiae near Herculaneum, because the winds weren’t blowing the right way for ships to leave. I’m assuming she must have sent a fast rider on horseback with her letter.

Elder mustered the fleet and took off. He went on a mission to save Rectina as well another friend, Senator Pomponianus.

“He changed plan at once and what he had started in a spirit of scientific curiosity he ended as a hero. He ordered the large galleys to be launched and set sail. He steered bravely straight for the danger zone that everyone else was leaving in fear and haste…”

Elder’s ship was pelted by hot cinders and rocks as they approached Herculaneum. The helmsman said they needed to turn back. Elder famously said:

“Fortune favors the bold. Steer to where Pomponianus is.”

Eventually, Younger and his mom fled Misenum as the ash cloud advanced. He later investigated what happened to his uncle.

Elder did find Pomponianus, who’d loaded his stuff into a boat — but the same winds that prevented him from leaving now stranded them all. They hid indoors overnight. According to Younger, his uncle was wheezing so loudly people could hear him through the door.

The following morning, the group decided their best option was to escape over land. They tied pillows over their heads and ran.

Though it was daytime, it was as dark as night. Elder went down to the shore to see if there was another way. He sat down on the ground and asked for water. Everyone began smelling sulfur in the air. Elder stood up and collapsed. Younger believes he died as a result of suffocation.

”When light returned on the third day after the last day that he had seen, his body was found intact and uninjured, still fully clothed and looking more like a man asleep than dead.”

Certainly Younger was biased and wanted to make his uncle sound like a badass, but I think the fact that he included what was a less than heroic death lends quite a bit of credence to the story.

Elder had no children, and left everything to Younger.

Shoreline Boathouses of Herculaneum

On the edge of Herculaneum lies a series of what are called “boathouses.” These were right on the ancient shoreline.

Like I said earlier, before this mass of text that’s larger than the cloud of Vesuvius, it was once thought that most everyone in town had escaped. After all, they could have watched the cloud of ash envelop Pompeii off in the distance.

But In 1980, archaeologists began finding skeletons crowded in these boathouses. Presumably they were seeking shelter and hoping for escape. The ones inside were mainly women, children, and babies; the skeletons outside on the beach were primarily men. These people were found ready to leave — one woman had a number of rings on her fingers and a bag of coins on her hip.

Now, you’re probably wondering why these are skeletons, instead of the “bodies” found at Pompeii. I knew you would, since you’re all sick and are into this sort of thing. Feel free to call a therapist now, or just keep reading if you have no interest in fixing yourself.

The Exploding Brains of Herculaneum

At Herculaneum, the people were blasted with superheated gas. Basically, when they were buried by ash, mud, and rocks, all their flesh was already gone. Some of their brains exploded out of their skulls. There was even one victim found whose brain had turned to glass.

No, I’m not making that up. Why would I do that? Haven’t we built a solid foundation of trust? Okay, fine. Here’s a link to an article about the glass brains if you don’t believe me. It has pictures and everything.

There’s been a lot of study of these skeletons. By actual scientists, who are trying to learn things — not by twisted people like yourselves. Lest you think this would have been a quick, painless death, recent studies have claimed the people in these boathouses were partially protected from the pyroclastic flow.

The claim is that the temperatures inside were only about 500 Fahrenheit (probably one of the few times “only” will be used in this context). Which would mean they suffocated on the gases while they burned.

There’s some arguments surrounding the temperature and how exactly they died, but that’s the result of the most recent study.

Was that enough to satisfy your morbid curiosity?

Vesuvius Rescue

So here’s where things get interesting. I mean, more interesting. Depending on your interests. I find Indiana Jones interesting. Maybe you’re more into exploding skulls.

One of the skeletons found outside the boathouses had some unusual items with him. He was between 40 and 45 years old, and he had money — a lot of money. He had a belt made of gold and silver. He had a sword with a handle made of ivory. He had a bag on his back, filled with specialized tools used for naval engineering.

A 30-foot boat was found nearby, although there certainly could have been more.

So presumably, this man was a high-ranking naval officer. If Pliny the Elder set off on a rescue mission, obviously we can assume others in the fleet did as well. Given the man’s rank, I think it’s safe to say that like Elder, he didn’t have to sail towards Vesuvius.

His body was found facing the water. A large wooden beam was nearby, and is possibly what killed him. Unfortunately the rescue was too late, but I’d like to think the man would appreciate the fact that people are still talking about him today. And at least he tried.

There isn’t a ton of information on this man, it all seems to come from the same news agency in Italy. Here’s a link to a BBC article that includes a few pictures.

I think it’s also possible this was the final rescue in a series of them. Perhaps they’d been coming and going for hours, loading up ships with residents. Maybe this man was overseeing the final load, and things took just a few minutes too long.

As for Herculaneum itself, I’d highly recommend visiting. Like I mentioned, it’s better preserved than Pompeii, and since it’s less famous it’s not as crowded. And in case you’re wondering about how they studied the skeletons while they were still in the boathouses — they didn’t. The ones in the pictures are replicas. I assume the doors are as well. Which is something I wish they’d do more of at these sites, but that’s a rant for another time.

If you visit, maybe take a moment by the ancient shore and think of poor Elder and all those who went to save the victims of Vesuvius, and wound up victims themselves.